Tuesday, February 7, 2012

My quest to greatness is taking off.

The pursuit of being great is a difficult one. But I think I'm headed in the right direction. I haven't updated this blog in a while, but there's a reason: I finished a book and started a website. I blog there, and some of my articles from this site, have made it to my new site. To you thousand or so people that have visited my site, thanks for stopping by, I'll still be updating this blog; so please stop by again. In the meantime, visit my site: SublimeBurst.com. See you later.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Keep Default Terms Male

I'm reading this book called the "The Gargoyle", when I happened to look on the back of the book, and read the reviews and praises listed on it. There was this one review by a guy named Peter Straub that pissed me off:

"This book plucks the reader off the ground and whirls her through the air until she shouts from sheer abandonment and joy."

Whirls her though the air until she shouts?

Forget for a second that this is possibly the gayest thing anyone's ever said about a novel, and forget for a second that this Straub guy just wants to seem like some artsy poetic genius. What's with all these feminine pronouns? Oh wait, I already answered my own question; the psuedo-artsy poet thing.

Men have always been the ones that moved society, and are still responsible for most major events, whether good or bad. That's why the term "mankind" was made; to reflect that. Can you imagine how stupid refering to the human race as "ladykind" would be? What images does your mind conjure up when you hear "ladykind"? Do you imagine a whole race of beings living together on one planet, like you would with "mankind"? No. "Ladykind" makes you think of a squeeling Dr. Phil audience.

This is a stupid trend that needs to stop. But what's the harm, you say? Well let's put swapping male indentifiers for female ones to the test:

Imagine going home late one night, when someone sneeks up behind you, puts a gun your head, ties you up facing a corner, then proceeds to rob you. When you finally get loose, you call the cops and say "Some guy just tied me up and robbed my house!" The cops will then come, ask you some questions, and maybe find the perp who robbed you, and maybe get some of your stuff back.

Now, imagine the same scenerio, but this time, you call the cops and say "Some gal just tied me up and robbed my house!" You tell the cop that "she" tied you up, and "she" put a gun to your head. The cops are now looking for a female suspect. They never find the perp because you eliminated fifty percent of all the possible suspects by being a contemporary artsy douchebag. The perp continues wearing all your jewelry, walks around enjoying your expensive new iPod after erasing all your shitty Bob Dylan songs (which you have because you're a contemporary artsy douchebag).

In the first scenerio, even if the robber's a woman, using "he" would still get the job done. The cops may investigate and find out you were simply wrong because it was dark and you couldn't see. But if you're a douchebag who has to show just how fucking modern and contemporary you are by using "she", you will just be some asshole missing HIS shit, because even even though most crimes are commited by males, the cops are looking for a woman because you just had to be a contemporary artsy douchebag.

Stop trying to show the world how cool and "with it" you are by using "she" and other female specific terms as the default one. You're not helping women's suffrage. You're not making the world a better place and bringing equality to the sexes. You just sound stupid.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Dream Choices To Play X-Men

I sometimes watch a movie, and think about other actors who could've played the role much better. Like the movie "Ali"; instead of Will Smith as Mohammed Ali, Denzel Washington would've been absolutely perfect. X-Men is one of those movies that I wish I could pull an actor from any time period, and have them be in X-Men. Here are the actors that would rock if they could be in an X-Men movie:

Clint Eastwood as Wolverine. Who embodies the spirit of Wolverine better than this guy? Wolverine is by far, the most badass comic-book character, and Clint Eastwood is the most badass actor of all time.

Johnny Depp as Gambit. Depp is cool as fuck, when he's not playing dumb characters like the Mad Hatter. At his best, Depp is smooth and badass, just like the character. He would've blown minds as Gambit.

Angelina Jolie as Rogue. Jolie just oozes sensuality and sex, like Rogue from X-Men. I Can't think of anyone more more perfect.

Angela Bassett as Storm. She's not as pretty as Halle Berry, true; but Halle just never felt right as Storm. She seemed too innocent, too nice, and not mature enough. Angela Bassett embodies the spirit of Storm perfectly; she sounds intelligent and wise when she speaks, she can can come off as menacing, and she has a great body. Halle's gorgeous, but doesn't have a body like Angela.

Mila Kunis as Jubilee. In the comics, Jubilee is Asian; but Mila actually looks like Jubilee, and her persona, which is fun, kinda goofy and down-to-earth, fits Jubilee perfectly.

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Colossus. What a perfect match. The biggest, buffest actor ever, playing the biggest, buffest X-Man. Colossus is a ripped foreigner with an accent; if you watched the cartoon that came on in the mid-90's, his accent was also a lot like Arnold's.

This is why I should be God. I'd make something awesome, like an X-Men movie with these guys in their prime, happen. Until then, these are the dream actors to play the greatest comic-book team of all time.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Mental Health Field

The mental health field is the most disgusting field on earth. Not because the people serviced have disabilities, but because the disabled are given rights that no one else has.

Imagine walking into a job, where your clients curse at you, spit at you, throw feces at you, punch and laugh at you when you get injured; and if you so much as raise your voice at the person doing this to you, you will be charged with abuse and terminated from your job. Welcome to the mental health field.

It started with Willowbrook, an institution for mentally retarded people. The conditions there were so bad due to severe lack of funding and staff, that it was shut down. Because this recieved so much news attention due to Geraldo Rivera, many laws were passed as a result. Over time, in an effort to protect retarded people from abuse, retarded people were given a world without consequences for their actions.

In the real world, if you walk up and punch someone in their face, you will not only get attacked back, but you will probably go to jail too. But if you're an employee who gets punched by a mentally retarded person, you CANNOT punch them back. There are specialized maneuvers called "SCIP" techniques, which you must use to restrain them safely, without injury, for a limited time, and only if it's in the retarded client's service plan to use. Sounds fair, huh?

Now this could be tolerable if mental health clients in question were basically invalids who have no idea what they're doing; however, this is far from the case. I worked in the mental health field for six years, and dealt with "high-functioning" clents; basically, people who have mental health issues, but were intelligent enough to do most things themselves. In fact, I worked with clients in the institution who drove cars, had their own jobs, had kids, and even one guy with a 160 I.Q. Now imagine people with this kind of intelligence telling you that they hope your baby dies, spitting in your face, throwing food in the halls nowing you'll have to clean up after, throwing racial slurrs at you...and there's nothing you can do about it.

Where I worked, I could actually call the cops and press charges; but often times, the cops wouldn't do anything, because they had better things to deal with than someone spitting in your face. The house I worked at had the police called so many times, that the residents weren't even phazed by their presence. They would simply just behave when the cops were there, then continue swearing at you as loud as they can to your face. But if you ignore a client screaming at you that you're a worthless whore, nigger or bitch, you WILL be terminated from your job, because ignoring someone is "abuse". (I've been called a nigger, and every female that's ever worked at my job has been called both a bitch and a whore.)

In fact, any sort of punisher, no matter how small, is "abuse". Let's say a mental health client throws food all over the hallway that a staff is gonna have to clean up; so you say, "Because you did this, I'm not giving you your desert tonight, because you were so rude." Anywhere else in the world, this would make perfect sense to do; in the mental health field, this is "abuse", and you will be fired. Employees are supposed to "reward" good behavior, and never punish bad behavior. In other words, something can't be taken away from a client because they were an asshole; they can only be given things if they do right.

The OPWDD (Office for Persons With Developmental Disabilities) is the entity in New York State that comes up with these laws, though I imagine each state is pretty much the same. What these offices fail to realize, is that without consequences, the disabled people living in these institutions will NEVER change. Imagine a world where there were no cops; instead of punishment for breaking the law, they give you cookies for each week you don't commit a felony. How long do you think order would last in the world?

There MUST be laws where some sort of punishment is put in place for bad behavior. This is the only way humans learn.

I can, and should, be punched in the face for cursing and spitting at someone with zero provocation. Right? So should I be exempted from an ass-kicking that most people would get for the same thing, just because I'm in an institution when I do it? There should be places built, where disabled people who do this get a foot repeatedly shoved up their ass until they get it right. If this doesn't work, then they SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN SOCIETY. Period.

And if such a place existed, I'd work there for free.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Crazy Things White People Do

I don't know what it is about white people that leads them to do "extreme" sports, or anything with a high likelyhood of severe injury and death. Maybe it's repressed guilt for hundreds of years of slavery, anti-semiticism, the Ku-Klux Klan and Full House. Whatever it is, here's some of the craziest things these mo-fos do:

Demolition derbies.

Tired of all the advantages you have for being born white? Why not take all your perfectly good cars and smash them? This is basically like mosh pits (another crazy white thing) with a twist of vehicular manslaughter.

Hey, can a cop arrest you for drinking and driving in a demolition derby?

Bull riding.

Unlike Spain, where bull-fighters have a sword to kill it, while trying to keep it away from them by distracting them with their cape...rodeo cowboys get on top of a half-ton creature of pure muscle--unarmed--and try to stay there as long as possible. Bat-shit, crazy fun.

Jumping into icy water.

Hey white people: tired of hot showers and warm beds? Like risking hypothermia? Have we got the place for you! There's even a real organization for this, called the "Polar Bear Club".

White-water rafting.

This picture was taken in Africa, and is featured on an travel website called Hills of Africa.com. Notice that there's not a single African in the picture; only crazy white folks. There are tribes in Africa like the Maasai that hunt lions with only a spear and shield, yet still aren't crazy enough tackle billions of gallons of rushing water on jagged rocks with just a raft and a paddle.

Kangaroo boxing.

Hey kids, here's a hot new sport from the makers of Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation. I'm willing to let alligator wrestling slide, because you never when you might have to kick the shit out of a gator. But this...what in the hell.

Atom-bomb riding.

Okay, that was from the movie "Doctor Strangelove". But I wouldn't be surprised.

White people--thank you for risking your lives, or just doing plane crazy shit. It entertains me. And to any crackers reading this, I'm part white myself, mixed with French and Danish. If that's not good enough, I have sex every night with a white woman known as my wife.

Enjoy Jersey Shore tonight.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Justin Timberlake

I've been impressed with this guy for a long time. He's insanely talented, women will murder to get next to him, and he's a great actor, dancer and singer. But what impresses me most of all, is that he is a genuine, humble guy, despite the hordes of money and women at his disposal.

I wasn't a fan of his boy-band, "N'Sync". This is because boy-bands typically just follow pop-song formulas and put out uninspired, rehashed songs about love, with each song sounding exactly the same; "N'Sync" was no different. But when Justin Timberlake went solo, he seriously surprised me. One of his first solo songs was "Rock Your Body", a smooth, mellow tune with some hip-hop flavor; Justin even beat-boxed in the song. It was such a 180 from the type of songs I thought he'd be doing. To this day, I've never heard a Justin Timberlake song I didn't like.

Justin is also a great dancer. And I don't mean in the way other pop-stars like Britany Spears or most boy-bands are; they really aren't good dancers, they just have great choreographers. You can tell who's a real dancer and who's just following steps, the same way you can tell a real martial artist from an actor throwing kicks in a movie. While Justin Timberlake comes off like the Jackie Chan of dancing, other pop-stars just seem fake like Ben Afflek in "Daredevil".

But one day, I saw something on T.V. that completely changed my opinion of Justin. I saw him on a commercial for the "Kid's Choice Awards" on Nickelodian. He was not only the host, but in the commercial, he was doing goofy, funny little skits during the commercial. I remember thinking that it was really brave for a huge, successful entertainer to do something like that, and not be all wrapped up in his image.

Then, there was his "Saturday Night Live" peformances, where he did the now famous "Dick in a Box" sketch, and even dressed up in a woman's leotard during a sketch with Beyonce, which poked fun at her "Single Ladies" video. There is no pop-star alive, who in his right mind, would dare do something that could make them look so rediculous; but because Justin isn't concerned with image, and just has fun being a performer, he pulled it off, showing that he is a great comedian as well.

The pic just above is from "Black Snake Moan", starring Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci. In this movie, Justin plays a man who's full of fear and uncertainty. Most entertainers just want to play a cool tough guy, whenever they cross over into movies; not Justin. He just wanted to play a good role, of an interesting character in a good movie. This is why he was so great when he actually played a cool character in "The Social Network". He cares more about making a good movie, than stroking his commercial ego.

Justin Timberlake is just naturally cool. That's why he doesn't have to be afraid to look silly, as long as he's having fun doing it. I applaud him for taking risks, and letting the pressure of "image" keep him from doing what he loves. But above all, it's his humility and grounded, down-to-earth nature which enables him to be that way.

Justin Timberlake; more people, not just celebs, should be like him.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Le Derrière

Women like Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian have helped bring some much needed attention to an often under-appreciated charm of a woman; the buttocks. You've all heard the old female cliche, "Does this make my butt look big?" This question is usually asked by women in hopes that her backside isn't as noticable as she fears it is. This is a severe injustice to one of the most sensuous and beautiful structures in existance. For comparison, how often have you heard a woman ask, "Does this make my boobs look big?"

It's been said that Europe and the United States are more impressed by a woman's bossom than her backside; this seems to be true of Asian cultures as well. Western women spend thousands on implants yearly, despite serious health risks that can include death. However, black and Hispanic cultures are overwhelmingly more intrigued by a woman's posterior curvature. Don't get me wrong; everyone, especially me, loves the beauty of breasts. But for Black and Hispanic cultures, a woman's butt has a more powerful effect.

In Black culture, there've been many songs made about a woman's butt, or the lovingly termed, "booty". This is especially true with hip-hop, where songs like "Rump shaker", "Whoomp There It Is" and "Thong Song" are classics which all celebrate the glory of a woman's backside. Hispanics are famous for dance moves that emphasize hip movement, in both men and women.

However, White culture doesn't really regard an emphasis of the butt as classy, while displaying cleavage in an evening gown can be seen as elegant. In Europe during the Renaissance periods, displaying breasts was very fashionable, while the display of anything below that was considered risqué. This may explain why having a prominent buttocks has been looked down on in the past by Europeans.

This is Andressa Soares, known in Brazil as "Mulher Melancia", which means "The Watermelon Woman"; she is the same woman who's picture is posted at the beginning of this article. She has become an international sensation due to her very large, and very shapely butt. Brazilian women are famous for having the most beautifully curvaceous rear-ends in the world, and Brazilians are proud of it. Among scores of shapely women, Andressa Soares stands out as having the best body out of all of them.

Andressa's popularity really took off after Playboy got wind of the "Watermelon Woman", and put her on the cover.

Aside from modeling, Andressa is an entertainer, who frequently sings and dances in front of crowds of thousands. Her most famous dance is called the "Creu", named after an entertainer she was a back-up dancer for. The "Creu" is a dance where women shake their rear-ends in a machine-gun type of manner, increasing the speed five different times. Andressa's own skill at this dance, combined with her majestic backside, made her much more famous than the unremarkable entertainer she traveled with. After she went out on her own, she was no longer allowed to perform the "Creu" in public, so she made her own version of the dance with six different speeds instead of five.

In a documentary about her, Andressa's beautician commented that men, "Never turn their heads for a skinny woman; they'll turn their heads for a chubby woman, even if she's not that cute".

Because of women like Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian, it's becoming fashionable in the U.S. for women to have a plump, curvy bottom. But mainstream America is only just catching on to what most men have always agreed on, even if in secret; a butt, especially a big butt, is a wonder to behold.