Crazy Things White People Do

I don't know what it is about white people that leads them to do "extreme" sports, or anything with a high likelyhood of severe injury and death. Maybe it's repressed guilt for hundreds of years of slavery, anti-semiticism, the Ku-Klux Klan and Full House. Whatever it is, here's some of the craziest things these mo-fos do:







Demolition derbies.

Tired of all the advantages you have for being born white? Why not take all your perfectly good cars and smash them? This is basically like mosh pits (another crazy white thing) with a twist of vehicular manslaughter.

Hey, can a cop arrest you for drinking and driving in a demolition derby?







Bull riding.

Unlike Spain, where bull-fighters have a sword to kill it, while trying to keep it away from them by distracting them with their cape...rodeo cowboys get on top of a half-ton creature of pure muscle--unarmed--and try to stay there as long as possible. Bat-shit, crazy fun.






Jumping into icy water.

Hey white people: tired of hot showers and warm beds? Like risking hypothermia? Have we got the place for you! There's even a real organization for this, called the "Polar Bear Club".







White-water rafting.

This picture was taken in Africa, and is featured on an travel website called Hills of Africa.com. Notice that there's not a single African in the picture; only crazy white folks. There are tribes in Africa like the Maasai that hunt lions with only a spear and shield, yet still aren't crazy enough tackle billions of gallons of rushing water on jagged rocks with just a raft and a paddle.






Kangaroo boxing.

Hey kids, here's a hot new sport from the makers of Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation. I'm willing to let alligator wrestling slide, because you never when you might have to kick the shit out of a gator. But this...what in the hell.







Atom-bomb riding.

Okay, that was from the movie "Doctor Strangelove". But I wouldn't be surprised.


White people--thank you for risking your lives, or just doing plane crazy shit. It entertains me. And to any crackers reading this, I'm part white myself, mixed with French and Danish. If that's not good enough, I have sex every night with a white woman known as my wife.

Enjoy Jersey Shore tonight.